Lesson 6: Design Your Dream Relationship
Venus Retrograde
Every 18 months, Venus—the planet that rules love, harmony and compassion, reverses into retrograde motion for approximately 40 days.
This six-week slowdown can be a tricky time for relationships, when the headlines blare about “Shocking Celebrity Splits!” and our closest ties are tested. If a bond isn’t build of solid stuff, you’ll experience turbulence. While it’s an opportunity to go back and do the necessary work, you’ll see who’s willing to put in that investment…and who only shows up when things are good, fun and easy. Eye-opening to say the least!
Astronomically, however, Venus retrograde is pretty profound. This 40-day backspin marks the period when Venus begins her shift from an evening star—bright and visible in the sky near sundown—to a morning star, rising just before the Sun. (Read about the morning and evening star Venus here.) In the middle of this transition, Venus vanishes from the sky—well, at least from our view here on Earth. The disappearing act happens approximately two weeks after the retrograde cycle begins—and lasts for around eight days.
While invisible, Venus holds a secret session with the Sun as the two meet up at the exact same zodiac point in the sky. In astrology, we call this an inferior conjunction between the Sun and Venus. This planetary playdate also marks the beginning of a brand-new, 584-day Venus cycle. Much like a monthly new moon, we can think of this day as a “new Venus” or a “Venus rebirth.” As Venus goes totally dark, we have blank canvas upon which we can imagine the future we want to create in our love lives.
Prior to the inferior conjunction, Venus retrograde is winding down her evening star cycle. During that time, we may see things that need to be “put to bed,” so to speak: limiting beliefs, toxic relationships, unreasonable demands, destructive and abusive behaviors. After the Venus rebirth, as she crosses the threshold and becomes a morning star for nine months. In the process, we may become “impregnated” with new visions of what love could be and giving us a chance to bring them to life and to light!
Fun fact: While the Mayans weren’t fooled, the ancient Greeks once thought that Venus was two planets. As such, she has two names. In the morning, she is Phosphorus, which means bringer of light. In the evening, she is Hesperus which means Western since she appeared near the Sun at dusk. It 5 B.C. it was mathematician/stargazer Pythagoras who realized that Phosphorus and Hesperus were one and the same.
After that, Venus emerges as a morning star and begins a brand new 584-day cycle.
Using Venus Retrograde for a Romantic Transformation
Think about the metamorphosis of a caterpillar. Before emerging as a butterfly, the insect seems to disappear. In fact, if you were to crack open a cocoon mid-cycle, it would look empty. In truth, the creature becomes one with the cocoon as part of its alchemy.
Metaphorically, the “New Venus” day might be a moment when all our old stories and hang-ups about love could disappear. Of course, so too can our sense of groundedness, safety and trust, which is why this is NOT the day to make any rash decisions or sudden moves.
We might also feel the influence of Venus’ powers in more invisible ways as it affects and directs us spiritually, emotionally and energetically—rather than by delivering any outer events or results. We may not feel clear-headed or able to make rational decisions about romance on a New Venus day. Instead, we simply have to surrender and “just be” in the flow of Venus. May we recommend scheduling a luxurious spa day, a decadent dinner party with your S.O. or most richly creative friends?
Shortly after her rebirth, we’ll see Venus again, rising as a morning star in the Eastern sky, shortly before the Sun. Her morning star cycle lasts until July 2019 giving us nine months of creative, visionary energy. After that, she becomes a dreamy evening star until her next retrograde cycle begins 18 months later.
Preparing for a New Venus
Before the “New Venus”—and throughout the entire retrograde—the cosmic directive is to turn inward and examine our patterns of behavior, particularly the ones that aren’t bringing us the love and satisfaction we crave. This 40-day phase is a powerful time for excavating hidden desires, discovering and setting healthy boundaries, and even exhuming a few past demons we haven’t fully dealt with. As all things Venus-related go dark, we may experience power outages around love, be confused by feelings or forced to grope around in the shadowy feelings we’ve been avoiding (shame, jealousy, resentment, fear of abandonment, isolation, despair).
The prefix “re” is where the magic’s at: revive, reunite, repair, restore, etc. So don’t bolt too fast if there’s a little trouble in paradise. This may just be an opportunity to fortify your foundation and learn more effective ways to communicate in relationships. But some relationships may indeed come to a close during Venus’ retrograde—and in cases like this, Venus can support with deep healing and self-love.
If you happen to have planned your wedding or another epic romantic milestone during Venus retrograde, you are not doomed. (And no, you shouldn’t cancel the cover band and call off the cake decorator.) Just plan to honor your first anniversary in a super meaningful way. Since Venus only turns retrograde every 18 months, you don’t have to worry about the backspin repeating annually.
Venus Retrograde in this Sign | Dates (past and upcoming) |
|---|---|
Libra + Scorpio | Oct 8 - Nov 19, 2010 Oct 5 - Nov 16, 2018 |
Gemini | May 15 - Jun 24, 2012 (including Jun 5-6 Venus transit over the Sun!) May 13 - Jun 25, 2020 |
Capricorn/Aquarius | Dec 21, 2013 - Jan 31, 2014 Dec 19, 2021 to Jan 29, 2022 |
Leo/Virgo | July 25 - Sep 6, 2015 July 23 - Sep 24, 2023 |
Aries/Pisces | Mar 4 - Apr 15, 2017 Mar 1 - Apr 13, 2025 |
While it’s never fun to see these parts of ourselves come up, it’s also a gift. We know that sounds cliche, but it’s true: Before we can transform ourselves, we must become aware of what’s already in the space. Try to be kind to yourself as your very human tendencies arise.
Opportunities of Venus Retrograde:
- - Healing any issues in your relationship
- - Discovering hidden blocks to love so you can overcome them
- - Recognizing when you’re in the wrong match and move on
- - Gaining closure with an ex…or reuniting if the timing is better
- - Plunging into deeper dialogues and strengthening intimacy
Challenges of Venus Retrograde:
- - Romanticizing instead of seeing people for who they truly are; falling for the fantasy and ignoring reality
- - Acting out instead of speaking up (and communicating needs)
- - Replaying unhealthy romantic patterns
- - Returning (or hanging on to) a toxic player