Lesson 6: Design Your Dream Relationship
Retrogrades
When a planet passes the Earth in its orbit (or vice versa), it is said to be going retrograde. From our vantage point on Earth, it is almost as if the planet is moving in reverse. This is an illusion, but it’s a bit like two trains passing at different speeds—one appears to be going backwards. Think of the prefix “re” when planning the best use of a retrograde. Review, reunite, reconnect, research. Retrogrades may not be the best times to begin something new, but they can be stellar phases for tying up loose ends or giving a stalled mission a second chance to succeed.
If you have retrograde planets in your natal chart, as many of us do, you may find that you have to work a little harder in the realm that the planet governs. (You can see them marked on the chart by an Rx or a tiny "r".)
For example, if you were born with Venus retrograde, you may be shy, or passive about expressing your sensual side. Maybe you wait to be seduced while sending out vague signals to interested parties. To overcome this, it can be helpful to learn techniques for flirting, seduction, or even asking someone out. It's also possible that you hide your light, dressing down or fading into the background...until a fashionable friend intervenes with a glamorous makeover! Since retrograde planets can indicate a need for a do-over, you may find that romantic partners come in and out of your life a couple times before you fully commit to one another.
If you have Mars retrograde, you may second-guess yourself—especially when you're about to make a romantic move. Building your confidence and figuring out how to cope with "rejection" can be useful skills. You may have trouble expressing anger, allowing it to build into resentment instead. Learning conflict resolution skills and even doing some assertiveness training can be a life-saver for your love life!
Since retrogrades send us back to do things over, practice makes perfect. If you're feeling panicked about being born with a backspinning planet, it's worth noting that we (Tali and Ophira) have Mercury retrograde in our natal chart. While shy as kids, we learned to overcome that and make our living as writers and public speakers. The hidden blessing of a retrograde planet? If you step up to the challenges it delivers, you can become quite masterful in the area of life it governs—eventually even outshining people who didn't have to work as hard as you did to learn this.
Planets: Schedule of Retrogrades
Planet | How Often Retrograde | Length of Retrograde | What To Work On | What To Take Extra Care With | |||||
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 | Mercury | 3-4 times/year | 3 weeks, | Strengthening communication skills, enjoying common interests, coordinating schedules (especially date nights) |
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 | Venus | Every 18 months | 6 weeks, |
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 | Mars | Every 2 years | 8 months, |
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 | Jupiter | Once a year | 4 months |
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 | Saturn | Once a year | 4.5 months |
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 | Uranus | Once a year | 5 months |
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 | Neptune | Once a year | 5 months |
| Being gullible, not setting clear boundaries, being vague and forgetful of promises made, trusting the wrong people, unclear thinking, a victim mindset, indulging in addictive or shady activities, falling for the wounded bird/rescue missions | ||||
 | Pluto | Once a year | 5 months | Transformation, healing a rift in your relationship, understanding (and gaining control over) your “shadow side." Getting to the root of jealousy/possessiveness, spite, vengeance and other vindictive behaviors | Being sneaky, secretive or manipulative. Allowing envy (or any of the 7 deadly sins) to hijack common sense, getting caught up in a power struggle or a dangerous attraction |