Lesson 5: Design Your Dream Relationship
What Planet Are You On?
What planet are you on? We might feel like hurling those words at a badly behaving partner when they do something utterly inconsiderate or off-the mark.
But let us reframe that inquiry and turn it into a power tool!
What planet are YOU on?
Would it be decadent, luxuriating Venus, the planet of pleasure and bonding...or fast-moving, assertive Mars, the planet of boundaries?
Many a breakdown has occurred in relationships when one person is in Venus mode and the other is whizzing about on Mars. By tuning into our own orbital paths during moments of conflict, we can give our relationships life instead of strife!
When you're in Venus mode, you're: | When you're in Mars mode, you're: |
|---|---|
In the "yin" and receptive mode Looking for routines and rituals that affirm love Relaxed, unfocused Tuned into details Empathic and compassionate, willing to give others the benefit of the doubt Feeling more than thinking Craving bonding time Eager to share an experience rather than wanting to keep all the goodies for yourself Pleasure-centric: Does it feel good? Receptive In the flow Easygoing, willing to try things Unhurried, no sense of time; no destination Tuned in to emotional vibes Can be needy, clingy, codependent Sensitive to undercurrents | Focused and driven Directed at a single point or goal Experiencing your needs as direct and immediate (gotta get it!) Looking to get somewhere, achieve something Mission-oriented Thinking more than feeling "All about me" Voracious and lusty about your desires Forceful or straight to the point Cagey, needing to move about freely Aware of your personal space: Am I restricted? Selfish at times, unaware or less tuned into other's needs and feelings Confident and even a little cocky Eager for projects with a clear beginning, middle and a rewarding finish, and challenges that keep the spark alive! |
What do you need in Venus and Mars Modes?
Venus: | Mars: |
|---|---|
To lose track of time Multitasking with an ever-changing focal point Routines and rituals that affirm love The ability to relax and not be ultra-focused Diffuse awareness Bonding time, sharing an experience Pleasure-centric: does it feel good? Receptivity/In the flow Easygoing vibes, willing to try things To be unhurried with no sense of time; no destination Compassion and empathy to emotional undercurrents Reassurance that you're loved and cared for | A clear mission and instructions—no extra window dressing A challenge or a victory Sometimes, an adversary or obstacle to overcome (it motivates you!) Rewards and accolades Sex without the fluff and romance Urgency and action Looking to get somewhere, achieve something Mission-oriented Voracious/Lusty To be free to move about and not be restricted or on anyone else's schedule. To be self-focused and not have to worry about other people's needs and feelings. Challenging projects (with a start and rewarding finish) |